story time

It's been no secret to most. I have wanted a baby for as long as I can remember. When I was 5 or so, I was given a doll that looked just like a real newborn. I named her Rachel, and I LOVED her. My mom told me that she was about the size I was when I was born and I thought that was the greatest. I would dress her in my actual baby clothes--bonnet, shoes, and all. I distinctly remember hearing the story of the Velveteen Rabbit for the first time and applying what I had learned from the story to my time with baby Rachel; if I loved her enough, she would become real. I saw that as truth with all of me, and I am pretty sure my cousins Danna and Mindi shared my belief in regards to their dolls, which only further made me believe. I was absolutely convinced that I would wake up one day to a real baby sleeping in the white and pink cradle in which Rachel often inhabited. Or sometimes I would fantasize about frantically looking for Rachel and finding her nowhere, only to hear the doorbell ring, followed by my discovery of a crying Rachel in a bassinet on our front porch. I am not sure if my brothers ever knew of this...if so, I probably would have never heard the end of it.

One day, something happened that led me to believe that Rachel's transformation had begun. I found a faint, purplish-blue mark on her arm. Another girl my age might have been disappointed at such a finding--her doll, blemished, most likely by her own doing. I, however, knew it to be nothing other than a real bruise. It had to be. And instead of being sad for my bruised baby, I was thrilled, excited, hopeful. Of course, no real baby ever appeared. The story of a rabbit that I had held dear turned out to be merely a tale. The result of an author's imagination.

So now I find myself here, twenty years later. Having long since forgotten about my hopes for a real baby Rachel, a real baby I am getting! In what I am positive is the Lord's perfect timing, Kevan and I are blessed to be expecting a baby around March 22nd. I am a little over 9 weeks along and am doing well. I have so many thoughts and emotions, but as you can imagine, I am excited beyond belief. We would greatly appreciate your prayers for this precious being growing inside me. And, also, prayers for us as we prepare for the little cutie.


"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."